As we have launched into the vision God has given us, many of the initial cells at Central are presently couple’s cells. We define a couple’s cell as "an open cell where a husband and wife lead together, and the cell is open to both men and women." Typically, this will be married couples, but often single and divorced people join these open groups.

As we have shared many times, we believe the ideal situation is for men to mentor men, and women to mentor women. We base this not merely upon preference or on what we believe will grow, but we base this upon the example of God’s Word. Although Paul preached to mixed crowds, he spent most of his personal mentoring time with his spiritual sons. As he said to Timothy, "You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others". (2 Tim 2:1-2)

Likewise, the mature women who are leaders are called to disciple other women. Paul said, " …teach the older women (spiritually mature) to teach what is good… Then they can train the younger (immature) women…" (Titus 2:3-4)

There is a difference between teaching or overseeing a group and personally training (mentoring) an individual disciple. We must understand this difference. For the most part, (there are rare possible exceptions) the New Testament pattern is men mentor men, and women mentor women. For this reason, we strongly feel that the best and most effective groups we will see, will be all men’s or all women’s groups.

But while we recognize the importance of same-sex groups, we also recognize that we presently have quite a number of mixed groups. For this reason, we’d like to share some thoughts about the proper dynamics of couples’ groups.

For a mixed or "couples" group to be started, both husband and wife need to be trained and released as personal pastors. They both need to be active and accountable in the personal pastor ministry. They both must be see themselves as personal pastors, and accept the responsibility of that high calling.

Just as the man in cell leadership sees himself as a true pastor, it is important for the wife to see herself as the pastor of the women. She should be viewed with honor as a leader of women, and the husband should he honored as leading the men, and his wife. The women will, in turn, bond to the wife as their pastor, and the men to the man.

Although the open cell meeting may be mixed with men and women, it is important that the pastoral relationships established involve men mentoring men and women mentoring women. In other words, if a couple lead a cell group, he should counsel, mentor and pastor the men, while she counsels, pastors and mentors the women.

While in a couple’s group it may be typical for the husband to share the word (although not always), this should not be true of counseling or pastoral care. There the husband should counsel and lead the men in the group, while the wife should provide primary pastoral care for the women.

Typically, the pastoral care and counseling is done outside of the structure of the one hour cell meeting. It may happen before or after cell meeting while munching on a snack or sometime during the week. There is a bond of intimacy and pastoral love that happens as you listen to the heart of your disciple, and share your heart with them one-on-one. According to scripture, (and our policy), this should happen men with men, and women with women. This is wise, and the most effective method.

During pastoral counseling, there may be times when it might be appropriate to ask your disciple, "May I share your situation with my spouse?" (It is important to ask, for the sake of integrity.) A woman leader should consider consulting with her husband in difficult situations and they should pray together for the disciple in need, but the counseling and mentoring needs to come from the wife. Likewise, a man should avail himself to his wife’s input and counsel regarding the men he mentors, but the personal pastor relationship should be man to man.

Buddy and Mavis have set this example for us. Mavis consults with Buddy before speaking to the women or making decisions concerning the women. However, she has developed and maintained the pastoral/intimate relationship with her lady leaders. Buddy is not the one directly advising the women in leadership, but Mavis consults him and thus stays under his covering.

It is important to realize that as a couple in leadership, we communicate our values to our disciples by our actions. How we treat each other as a couple in the meeting time will say more about our beliefs than the messages we speak. This is why couples must be very careful to work as a team.

The husband and wife team should decide ahead of time who will do which part of the meeting and then work to maintain that flow. In response to God’s Word, the wife should submit to the husband as the senior leader and that should be evident. While she is equally a pastor, she should work to model the submitted relationships we desire our disciples to adopt. While typically the man leads the mixed meeting and shares the word, she certainly may, at times, bring the word in the mixed meeting if he releases her to do so. If one spouse is absent, the other may lead alone, but these occasions should be very rare in a couple’s group setting.

When the husband is sharing, the wife should not interrupt to try to explain or comment on what he is saying. The husband should not look to his wife to complete his words, but be prepared to bring the message with confidence. If he lacks boldness, he should pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give him the confidence to lead. The wife should be silently interceding for her husband as he brings the word.

If a husband asks his wife to share the word that evening, he should be careful to release her with encouragement, and see that she is given proper respect and dignity as a woman of God. As she brings the word, she should know her husband’s prayers are constant.

Couples’ groups also need to be aware of the need for times of gender-separate sharing. This may be done during the fellowship time after the cell. Perhaps the women could gather around the kitchen table while men remain in the living room. This should be quite natural. It does not necessarily need to be announced, but can be done as the husband and wife simply move to separate areas. At other times the wife might have coffee with her ladies, and likewise the men might meet for breakfast, etc.

Like every facet of our marriage, temperament affects how we work as a pastoral team. Some people are more people-oriented, others more task-oriented. Some love to talk, and others are more quiet. We need to be sensitive to each other’s temperament as a team. In addition, you and your spouse likely have slightly different spiritual gifts as well. Each needs to be sensitive to the calling of the other. Since both husband and wife are serving in pastoral ministry, each must be careful to never undermine the other before their disciples.

Team ministry is a powerful force, and nowhere is this more evident that when a husband and wife lead together. Even if he leads a men-only cell and she leads a women-only cell, they should still be a team, and see themselves as leading a growing network of disciples and cells.

By observing these values and guidelines, we can avoid obvious problems and become more effective.

Hamilton